Subj: Bug the aliens with this. Date: 4/2/99 12:05:19 AM Pacific Standard Time From: koenen1@telusplanet.net (.H .H .R) To: koenen1@telusplanet.net (.H .H .R) I have mentioned having created a teleporting system for insects. Parts: The old Zenith body hearing-aid. A plastic pill bottle with a snap-cap, not twist-lock. Your mother's nylon stockings. And her nail-polish. A glass jar. A piece of stiff paper. Sunlight. A window-sill. A fly. A pair of sharp scissors. To do: Drill a 1/16" hole in the cap of the pill-bottle, using one leg of the scissors. Drill a 1/16" hole in the base of the pill-bottle, using one leg of the scissors. Cut a tiny piece out of Mom's stocking -she'll never miss it. Use the nail-polish to adhere this over one of the holes you just bored. Repeat the process for the second hole. Let it dry. Look at the window-sill, and wait for a fly. In the meantime, make a hole about 3/4 the size of the pill-bottle, in the paper near one end. Catch the fly, using the jar invertedly, and sliding the paper under the opening of the jar when the fly rises. Wrap the remaining nylons around the jar, to darken the insides. Place the jar right side up, and place the pill-bottle over the opening in the paper, so that when the fly goes to the light, she will go through the hole and into the pill bottle. Now you must get the cap on the pill-bottle in place of the paper, without losing the fly. This part can be tricky, because flies are sometimes smart. Got the fly helplessly imprisoned? She can't escape through the holes, because of the acoustically transparent nylon mesh. Place the hearing aid in audio mode, and put the mike against one hole of the pill-bottle. Place the ear-piece at the other hole. Crank up the volume, feed-back will be heard. Experiment with different volume and tone combinations. Rotate the entire assembly with respect to its environment. The fly will vanish, without leaving any form of residue except perhaps a fly-speck. I have done this successfully three times. I like to believe that the fly went to an alien planet, or another dimension. If so, it is no wonder that the aliens are looking for the perpetrator who sent them three flies. Hans